Human Vacuum, X-rays ... and other lively travel stories

As I write this we are on our way to Portugal

     We have been on a whirlwind the last few days, and things should settle down a little bit.  We'll be in Lisbon Portugal for three days.  It's warm there!
    Warsaw and Poland went by way too fast.  The last full day there we took a train to Warsaw, and by the time we got to our hotel, Fiona was finished.  She didn't want to go anywhere or do anything, she was feeling a tiny bit under the weather.
    But I still wanted to get some exercise and look around.  So she pretty much insisted I go for a walk and explore a little.  Unfortunately, the area where we were was kinda residential, with not a lot to see.  I did find a park to wander around in, and eventually found a small cafe, pictured above. 
     I went inside, and it was all locals.  They looked at me for a minute and then went back to their conversations, which were rather animated.  I asked for some food "like hot food?" and they no speaky Engie.
    So I found a menu and although it was all in Polish, I recognized a word on there and actually got some pretty good food. 
    So I made my way back to the hotel, and hey - I went out on my own and didn't get arrested, or shot, or bombed, or abducted by aliens.  

So I went to the fitness center in Warsaw, Poland

    A Story:   Since the weather was so cold and snowy, and I wanted to get in a run, I went to the fitness center at the Hotel in Warsaw.  It was actually a Radisson Hotel, but in an old building that they're trying to rehab.  They're not quite there yet.

    In fact, it looks like an old Soviet Hotel from the Cold War.  It was called the Hotel Sobieski.  Paint alone on this building ain't gonna do it - it's like putting lipstick on a pig ... 

    Anyway, I set out but I couldn't find the fitness "room".  So I asked at the front desk and they said "go down there" and pointed down a hallway.  I started walking and there were a bunch of small shops and things, and I kept walking and looking around, and ... no fitness.

    I looked back and forth and up and down the hallway.  Kept going, thinking you could get plenty of exercise just looking for the fitness room!

    So I finally come across this plain non-descript door that says FITNESS - that's all.  I guess this must be it, so I open the door to a stair well.  Is this their idea of fitness, make you climb stairs?

    So I look around the other side and there is another door.  It says DAY SPA, and I figure it's better than climbing the stairs, and I go in, and there is another stairway down.  So I follow this and it comes to a beauty salon kind of thing with massage chairs and fancy hair stuff.

    I'm thinking ... am I lost?  There is no one around.  I look around another corner and voila! there is the fitness room.  Kinda hidden if you ask me, took a long time to find this, with little or no markings or signs.  

    Turns out the fitness room is packed with gear, all over the place, and it looks like none of it has been used in a while.  All I want is a treadmill, that's not too much to ask...?

    So I locate a treadmill - but it's on the other side of this really weird device.

    The machine is called a VACU ACTIV - and it looks kinda freaky.  Like a big box with a bunch of flashing lights inside - with a door that closes behind you.  I stare at this thing and can't figure out what it is.  I mean, it was so bizarre I had to go back and take a picture.

    What goes on in there? ...or what does the machine do to you?  I imagined all kinds of weird suction going on, like does it suck out your fat?  Why would you have to go in and lock the door?  It almost seemed like a strange and scary torture device from the past. 

    I went for a run on the regular treadmill and nobody else ever showed up.  I was left to my own fertile imagination to dream up ideas of how and what this machine did ... and why ....

Confrontation at Security in the Airport in Warsaw

    A Story:  So we're going through Security at the Warsaw Airport which is called Chopin ("Show Pan" for you non-classical music people - he was Polish).

    It's one of those things where you try to pick the line that will be the fastest, based on your quick analysis of the procedures.  We picked a line that looked shorter than the others.  We realized right away that this might take some time, there were a couple of mothers with kids clogging things up.

    So we get to the scanner thing and start taking off bits of clothing and shoes and laptops and phones and think, "hey we're good at this, we're seasoned travelers and we can handle this"

    Only it doesn't quite go that way.   The person running the scanner and looking at the x-ray thing is way too zealous.  And the person who asks you to remove stuff from your bag is even more zealous. 

    So they ask us to pull stuff out of our bags.  And Fiona has already gone through the metal detector and is on the other side, so I have to do all this on my own.  

    They look at Fiona's bag and say - "Is that a hair dryer?"

    "Yes" I respond in complete full honest disclosure, since they can already see that it's a hair dryer.  

    "Is that a phone charger?"  Yes.   and they say "take it out" 
    "is that a computer charger?"  Yes.  and "then take it out"    
    "is that a plug-in adapter for the infinite number of electric plugs and current and voltage you have encountered since leaving home?" Yes. "then you must take it out" 

    This goes on for a long time.  They keep asking me to take stuff out of the bag and run it through the scanner again.  It gets ridiculous.  If you can see it's a hair dryer, how does taking it out of the bag and scanning it again provide more security?

    Why have x-ray anyway?  You can clearly see all this stuff and identify it, and they ask me to take it out and scan it again ... and ...

    I've had enough.  I'm way out patience with this TSA stuff (only they don't call it TSA in Poland).  I keep talking to them in English, and they look at me and tell me to take more stuff out of the carry on luggage.  Keep in mind, we've been traveling around the world for over two months and there is a lot of stuff in the bag. 

    Like I said, I've had enough of this game.  I'm fed up. I just say "OKAAAY!" real loud, and I unzip the sides of the bag and all the zippers and snaps, and I pick up the bag by the bottom and hold it real high, and dump out the entire bag on the belt!

    The security girl jumps back and holds up her hands as a shield as the contents tumble out and form a small mountain.  I hear gasps behind me in line as people watch this spectacle. 

    "So, here is all is!" I say triumphantly and defiantly, "there is nothing left in the bag!  I can't take anything else out!"  And they are all very concerned that I am a lunatic.  

    Sometimes you just reach your limit.  "You keep asking me to take out stuff, over and over again, even when you know what it is. 

So there!  That's everything!  Now, will you now please leave me alone so I can go to my plane?!?!

    They stand back ... by this time they are thinking, "maybe we should let this guy fly out of Poland and let somebody else deal with him"