A Man Without A Country ... (how do I get myself into these things?)

So I had a near death experience today ...
Not exactly, but it was a rather harrowing time at the border between Singapore and Malaysia.

It all started when I decided to take a trip across Singapore to the train station where the two countries meet.  Fiona had not been feeling well and she encouraged me to go there on my own to figure out how to get the train from Singapore to Bangkok, Thailand, which runs through Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia.

It's a long trip out to this border area, about an hour by local transit, and when I got there at the supposed end of the line, there was no train station in sight.  I asked some guy (most people in Singapore speak English) and he said, "you have to catch a bus there, go downstairs"

So I followed his advice and went down to the busy bus station, with a lot of people milling about.  I saw a sign that said "Bus 950 takes you to the checkpoint and train station"  Bingo, I thought, this is what I want.  So I stood in line with like 150 people and the bus comes and guess how many people fit on the bus?  149 - yes, I had to wait for the next one, which took a long time.

So I'm still thinking this is the bus I want, and I load up on the next bus and we take off.  I ask the lady next to me, "so, this bus takes me to the train station so I can get tickets and make arrangements for the trip to Bangkok, right?"

She turns to look at me ... always a bad sign ... and says, "no this bus does not go to the train station, this bus goes to Malaysia!"   Hmmm, or rather - Yikes!   I looked around at the full bus and said, "you mean everyone on this bus is going to Malaysia?" and she says "yes, and at this point - so are you"

This is a problem, I said, and first of all explained that I don't have my passport.  She looked at me with a look of total astonishment - "You don't have your Passport?!?!"   This completely blows her mind - "you are on a bus to Malaysia and you don't have a passport?"  Left unsaid was her reaction, something like - what kind of an idiot are you?

I try to explain, hey man, I was just trying to get to the train station ...  She thinks I am the biggest moron of all time.  This is beginning to look bad, when she explains that there is no way out of this predicament, and that I will have to go through customs and ... deal with the border guards, and ... not good.  She said she would try to help me and talk to the police and explain that I am a stupid American and "please have mercy and don't shoot him and he is mentally deficient and ... "

So we get to the border station and sure enough I am taken into custody.  How do I get myself into these things?  They ask me for my passport and guess what ... ?  You already know the answer, no passport.  They demand some kind of identification, so I take out the only piece of ID that I have - my Oregon Drivers License, and they scoff at it and say what kind of fool has this for an ID? What is this rubbish? ... and who is Oregon anyway?  Who is Oregon?  It's a state, but they really don't care and they have guns and they take me to a take me to a detention holding room and walk off with my license.  I can't contact anyone because our US cell phones don't work here and I don't have any way to call someone.  At this point I am not in either country, but I'm being held in limbo in a no-mans land of purgatory and non person status. I have become a lot more apprehensive at this point.

Eventually I am taken to an "interview" room with an interrogator and they fingerprint me and ask a bunch of questions like "so ... you were just trying to go the the train station?  Ha! You expect us to believe that?  You think you can pull the wool over our eyes?"  And I'm thinking, What the ...?  I'm being held at gunpoint and the only thing between me and years in prison is my Oregon Drivers License.  At that time, I resort to intense prayer ...

So I managed to convince them that I am not a threat, not part of ISIS, and I really just made a dumb mistake, which I am very good at, and please can I go now, and will you please put those guns down?

So after a few hours of this nonsense, they let me go.  I had to walk through the "Red Line" back across customs between the two countries and I am released back into Singapore.
As I say goodbye ... my last words to the border guards were ... can I have my license back?